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June 4, 1998

Africa to receive emergency Viagra
Drug will improve conditions in famine-starved Chad

N’DJAMENA, Chad — In a effort to improve the destitute living conditions of sub-Saharan Africa, the Red Cross announced Monday that it will begin sending Viagra, the new anti-impotence pill, to Chad.

With an annual per capita income of only $84, Chad has long been considered one of the poorest countries in Africa. For nine years the Red Cross has sent and distributed much needed food supplies, vaccinations, and basic medical care to the impoverished citizens of the country. The Red Cross’s decision to include Viagra in the Chad initiative represents not only a continued interest in the country, but an expansion of humanitarian goals there as well.

“We want to provide these people with the basic resources needed for any human life,” said Red Cross employee Janet Goldwater. “People need clean water, they need food and medical care and they also need their dignity. For men this frequently means being able to sustain hard, throbbing erections. When they can’t, they suffer. The Red Cross is dedicated to alleviating suffering worldwide and Viagra is a crucial step in doing so.”

Viagra, a new drug released last month by Pfizer, increases the production of the chemical GMP which allows men to experience erections during arousal. While the drug has been demonstrated to be as much as 79 percent effective in American clinical trials, some skeptics worry it will not have the same effect on Chad’s population.

“I’ve spent a lot of time in Chad and I’ve talked to a lot of men there,” said longtime Red Cross volunteer David Foutz. “For the most part, the impotent ones I’ve met have been literally starving to death. When you haven’t had food in weeks and you haven’t had fresh water in days, you just might not be able to get it up.”

But among the residents of Chad the response has been overwhelmingly positive. “Life here is a constant struggle,” said Chadian Otulu Kenabizu. “Last week my son died of dehydration and two of my daughters have cholera. I can’t ever seem to bring home enough food to feed my family, but at least now I know I can fuck my wife all night.”

His wife, Awaymbe, agreed. “It is so difficult for Otulu, sometimes the stress just takes over and he can’t perform,” she said. “Next week when the Red Cross workers come I can count on whole grains, sterile water and a huge cock.”

The Red Cross emphasized that Viagra will not solve all of Chad’s problems. They still will have no resources, no stable economy and a ruthless military dictatorship. “Viagra helps, but it doesn’t cure,” reminded Goldwater. “Furthermore, Viagra does nothing to prevent ejaculatory impotence nor does it decrease the risk of AIDS. It’s a step in the right direction, but we still have a long way to go.”

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