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July 16, 1998

An apology to our readers

Throughout our 107-year history, the Weekly Week has prided ourselves on providing the highest-quality satirical news around. Never have our editorial standards been compromised to the point that we felt it necessary to publish a full-scale retraction of a story.

We feel the need to do so now. This is because on December 16th, we published a brief article by Boston Globe columnist Patricia Smith.

Following the recent controversy surrounding her columns in the Globe, we re-examined her piece, and what we found distressed us. We now have reason to believe that portions of that article were in fact true.

Here in its entirety is the article, entitled "Poop Invasion!"

"BOSTON---Two mules were arrested yesterday on charges of causing a "poop crisis" in Mule-Mule Land. "Those mules are the poopiest!" said Police Sgt. Jay J. Jay-Jay. "All the poop that's floating in Lake Ocean-Bay has made the canned tuna swim north for the summer." In a close vote yesterday the House of Representatives approved President Clinton's defense appropriations bill, 231-204. And in other news, the Poop Brigade took some dynamite and blew those mules up -- poop side first!"

Thankfully, our fact-checkers have contacted the mules in question and confirmed that they were not arrested for causing the previous day's poop crisis. Sgt. Jay-Jay had in fact booked the mules for graft.

But primary sources indicate that the sentence about the House of Representatives vote was 100% true. After confronting Smith, we have dismissed her from the Weekly Week staff. To ensure no further breaches of our editorial policy, we have fired all of our fact-checkers as well. Thank you.

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