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July 16, 1998

Exclusive!

Interview with George Lucas

George Lucas is one of the giants of modern cinema. Creator and director of the Star Wars trilogy, his work has awed and delighted film audiences all across the world.lucas.jpg (11160 bytes) We were fortunate to interview Lucas during his recent trip through Boston.

WW: We at the Weekly Week admire you a lot. You really influenced a lot of people’s lives, including mine. I’m a big fan.

George Lucas: That’s really original. This is a really good start. Very original, I like the part where you kiss my ass.

WW: Well, we are all very interested in the new "Star Wars" movies but before we talk about that let’s backtrack and talk about the re-released versions of the trilogy.

Lucas: Whatever.

WW: Some people were offended at the computer animation in the re-released versions of the trilogy. How do you feel about that?

Lucas: If you can’t take the heat get out of the kitchen. That’s what I say.

WW: Pardon me?

Lucas: When Spielberg did "Titanic" do you think he worried about people pissing their pants over a skinny Jabba? No! He said fuck you! I’m gonna keep my vision and go with my gut! That’s why Leonardo da Vinci acted so well.

WW: What?

Lucas: Blah, blah, movies, schmovies ... wasting time ... tick tock, tick tock ... [Lucas begins rolling his eyes and cracking his knuckles]

WW: I heard that Harrison Ford was actually a carpenter at the studio where you hired him. Is that true?

Lucas: [long pause] No drink, no talk.

[The Weekly Week buys him a drink.]

WW: We are excited by the prequels. When will they be released?

Lucas: Too late. They’ve come and gone already.

WW: Are you saying that everybody missed them?

Lucas: Yup.

WW: Were they good? Will they come out on video?

Lucas: It’s like this, I was tired of everybody building up the prequels so fucking much. And, frankly, I was out of ideas, right? So I said to myself, this is bullshit, everybody can shove it.

WW: So what did you do?

Lucas: I re-released the "Porky’s" trilogy.

WW: As the "Star Wars" prequels?

Lucas: You bet your ass.

WW: Why?

Lucas: Why not? There are plenty of parallels between "Star Wars" and "Porky’s."

WW: Like what?

Lucas: Shut up and listen. You know the character Pee Wee? He’s the guy who can’t get laid. He’s kind of like Luke because Luke never gets laid in any of the movies. And Porky is like Jabba in a lot of ways. They’re both fat and like watching bitches dance for ‘em.

WW: What about Han Solo?

Lucas: You know that guy Meat? The guy with the big dick? But instead of a big dork, Han had the Millenium Falcon.

WW: So you’re basically comparing a bunch of high school kids trying to get laid to a magical battle between good and evil.

Lucas: Sure. Say, do you know where can a fellow get a professional lay around here?

WW: Uh, I’m not...

Lucas: But it’s got to be professional! [Lucas pulls out a roll of 100-dollar bills]

WW: Umm, back to the prequels. Was there any digital enhancement in the re-release of "Porky’s?"

Lucas: I made some of the jugs bigger, or more round. There are also a few exterior shots where in the background you can see Douglas firs. I had them digitally manipulated into evergreens. And if you look closely, you can see a computer-animated rendering of Alfred Hitchcock doing his obligatory directorial walk-bys.

WW: Why Hitchcock? He had nothing to do with "Porky’s."

Lucas: Oh really! Well! You seem to know everything about film. Don’t you! Let’s review. Who made "Star Wars?" Huh? Hmmm? Oh, who was it? Huh? Who could it be? Gee whiz, who made "Star Wars?" Hmmm? Now who was it? Oh yeah! Now I remember — ME!

WW: Was there anything you kept from the original "Star Wars" trilogy?

Lucas: I overdubbed the score.

WW: You overdubbed the "Star Wars" score onto "Porky’s?"

Lucas: Are you calling me a liar?

WW: Uh, do you think the "Star Wars" music is appropriate for "Porky’s?"

Lucas: Look, the movie has a lot of sex. Have you ever tried fucking to the "Star Wars" theme?

WW: No.

[Lucas leaps onto the table and loudly hums the theme while vigorously thrusting his hips.]

WW: Thank you for your time, Mr. Lucas.

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