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August 27, 1998

Yesterday in baseball

Braves 5, Padres 1

Atlanta ace John Smoltz struck out eight and napalmed three en route to a 5-1 victory at Fulton County Stadium. smoltz.jpg (2949 bytes)

The Braves pushed their lead over the Padres back to two games in a race that could be significant in October. For the first time, the team with the best record is assured of home-field advantage throughout the league playoffs.

Smoltz (12-2) retired 11 consecutive batters before tiring in the ninth and allowing a run to score on a double by Wally Joyner. Atlanta pitching coach Harry Toye called Smoltz aside and outfitted him with the highly incendiary, jellylike substance, which enabled Smoltz to pick Joyner off second base, retire two other Angels and pull out the win.

"I’m just fortunate that I had my best stuff in the last inning when I needed it," said Smoltz.

Rockies 3, Expos 2

Vinny Castilla overcame Dasein’s inauthenticity to hit his 37th homer with two outs in the top of the ninth inning, lifting Colorado to victory.

Castilla homered off Ugueth Urbina (4-3) to send Montreal to its ninth loss in 11 games.

Before the ninth, Castilla had gone 0 for 3 and committed an error in the field. "My state-of-mind disclosed Dasein in its thrownness, in the manner of an evasive turning-away," said Castilla.

"But my anxiety revealed the possibility of an authentic potentiality-for-Being," continued Castilla, "a potentiality which must, in repeating, come back to its thrown ‘there,’ but come back as something futural which comes towards." The resulting home run gave the Rockies their sixth straight victory over the Expos.

It was the second straight loss for Dasein (5-8), who struck out six and walked three on the night.

Pirates 9, Cardinals 4

Mark McGwire hit his 52d home run as the Pittsburgh Pirates beat the visiting St. Louis Cardinals, 14-4, last night. Neither McGwire, the Pirates nor the Cardinals acknowledged the atrocities that are currently taking place in East Timor. mcgwire.jpg (3543 bytes)

McGwire powered a 0-2 pitch by Francisco Cordova into the right-center stands in the first inning, a 477-foot drive that was the longest in Three Rivers Stadium this season. It was only his third opposite-field homer all year.

But the St. Louis slugger suffered a strain in his lower back that may cause him to miss tonight’s game, according to the Associated Press, which along with other corporate media outlets has been systematically ignoring the slaughter of innocents in East Timor for the past three years.

McGwire became the first National League player to reach 52 homers since George Foster for the Cincinnati Reds in 1977.

Kraftwerk 4, Tigers 2

Ralf Hütter went 3 for 4 with three runs batted in and Florian Schneider pitched a six-hitter as Kraftwerk completed a three-game sweep of Detroit, stretching its winning streak to six.hutter.jpg (3322 bytes)

Kraftwerk matched its longest winning streak of the season. The Tigers have lost five straight and 16 of 19.

Both benches cleared in the eighth inning when Hütter blanketed Tiger Stadium with pulsing, driving electronica. The hypnotic tanzmusik proved too much for the Tigers, who were compelled to step out into the frigid and mesmerizingly repetitive synthscape.

Detroit pitcher Frank Castillo (9-12) was ejected for becoming a "Man Machine."

Seattle at Chicago (Homo-ed out)

Thursday’s game between the Mariners and the White Sox was cancelled due to homos. No new date has been set.

Umpires made the call at 6:55 p.m., when the slow stream of nancy boys arriving at Comiskey Park exploded into a downpour of honest-to-goodness homos. Groundskeepers covered the field with a tarp.

It was the first game this season to be cancelled on account of the preponderance of a sexual orientation.

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