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September 24, 1998

Arts news in brief

Seger sees no harm in selling out

DETROIT — Rocker Bob Seger announced today that two more classic Silver Bullet ballads will become corporate property.

"I waited to see how the Chevy Truck ‘Like a Rock’ thing went, ya know," said Seger. "I like the rekindling of interest in my work, and I really, really, really like the money." The OptiTect Corporation, makers of the Predator 2000 Night Vision Goggles, have acquired the rights to "Night Moves" and Disney has purchased "Down on Main Street" for their Main Street U.S.A. exhibit.

Seger was also eager to plug his upcoming album, which features all new, never-released love songs such as "My Baby’s Like a Volkswagen Beetle," "My Baby’s Like a Maytag Dependable Washer/Dryer Combo" and "My Baby’s Like an Intel Pentium Processor Chip."

Hanks vows "never to be funny again!"

BEVERLY HILLS — Filmdom’s favorite son, Tom Hanks, continues in his relentless pursuit of morbid movie roles.

"The ‘dress up like a girl’ sitcom was just a launching platform for the ‘drooling dog,’ ‘fish-girl’ and ‘boy in man’s body’ movies," said the enigmatically amiable Hanks. "These, in turn, have bankrolled my independence from society."

He added, "I now have a 50-year supply of dehydrated food, a water purification plant and my own nuclear reactor. I don’t care if I never work again. I’m just gonna keep doing what makes ME happy, which is bumming everybody out."

Hanks proceeded to talk enthusiastically about his latest project, "What’s That Noise, Mama?", in which he portrays an about to be aborted fetus.

Capital punishment to replace special effects

SACRAMENTO — An innovative criminal sentencing bill comes before the State Supreme Court next week. If passed, the bill will allow death row inmates to option-out their executions for the big screen. By allowing themselves to be shot, stabbed and blown up on camera, independent filmmakers with lower budgets will be able to compete with the big studios in making "realistic" war and horror movies.

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