banner.gif (4883 bytes)

November 5, 1998
An apology to our readers:

Two weeks ago, on the front page of this newspaper, it was reported that snakes were everywhere. After further investigation, we have determined that this story was false. Snakes are not everywhere.


October 22, 1998

Government officials, business leaders and members of the clergy all confirmed yesterday that snakes are everywhere.


October 8, 1998
Judge Judy rules in Thomas case

In a move that galvanized Constitutional law theorists nationwide, Judge Judy handed down her opinion in Thomas v. Thomas yesterday.

September 24, 1998
Tomboy causes trouble in Smallville

To the surprise of no one in Smallville, little Sally Jameson has been stirring up trouble once again. Described as "a tomboy" and "that Sally" by residents, Sally Jameson has been the talk of this little town for months.
September 10, 1998

One year of the Weekly Week.
August 27, 1998
City of Cambridge walls in resident
Bill Thayer woke up Tuesday afternoon, put on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and tried to open his front door.

August 13, 1998
MTV wraps up "Real World: Calcutta"
MTV has just finished shooting on a new season of "The Real World," this time set in Calcutta, India.


July 30, 1998
Cap’n Crunch, one of America’s most loved military officials, will be issued a dishonorable discharge within the next two weeks, a spokesperson for the U.S. Army said yesterday. Crunch’s military career was thrust into peril recently when three Soggie refugees stepped forward to reveal unnecessary cruelty and abuse at the hands of the Cap’n.


July 16, 1998
Hollywood hopes mining films will revive lagging summer at the box office
After poor performance by the summer’s most heavily hyped films, like "Deep Impact," "Godzilla," and "Armageddon," the major studios are betting that heavy industry, particularly mining, will provide an irresistible draw for the Movie-going public.


July 2, 1998
Boston starts Eurotrash recycling program
The City of Boston and the Phoenix Media Group unveiled the city’s new Eurotrash recycling program yesterday.  The recycled Eurotrash will be used by the Phoenix to print their nightlife magazine Stuff@Night.


June 18, 2048
Student 'death' blamed on 'meta-amphetamines'

Two Stanford graduate students were found “dead” in their loft-style apartment yesterday. Police believe the cause of “death” to be an overdose of a new and lethal drug, known on the street as “drug-drug,” or meta-amphetamines.

June 4, 1998
Demon booked on possession charges
A demon has been arrested on possession charges, according to Boston police. Prosecutors are planning on charging the demon, whose name has not been released due to his juvenile status, with “possession with intent to distribute.”
May 21, 1998
Willy Wonka busted for labor violations

The Willy Wonka Confection Factory was shut down Tuesday morning on several counts of labor violations. Acting on a tip from an anonymous child code-named “Charlie,” federal and state agents staged an early-morning raid on the Wonka compound.
May 7, 1998
Microsoft launches 'homeless e-zine'

In the latest in a series of competitive forays into community media, Microsoft launched a homeless e-zine yesterday. The new site, called sidewalk.home, is designed to steal readers and advertising dollars from lucrative homeless print newspapers like Boston’s Spare Change.
March 26, 1998

Bilingual education under fire in Boston
Prop. 43 would end special classes in semaphore

Parents decry new role-playing game
Across the nation, parents are up in arms over Deductions & Debentures, TSR's new role-playing game.

Plagiarism alleged in Bush biography
Former president George Bush has come under fire over charges that he stole much of his recent autobiography "Looking Forward" from Homer's "The Iliad."

"Good Will Hunting" thrusts South Boston geniuses into public eye
'There goes our secret,' complain residents, as think-tanks move in

News briefs
March 12, 1998

Stocks plummet on Armani Exchange
Market downturn is largest in A/X's two-year history

Sox slugger robs bank, slays seven
Duquette intitiates trade talks with Yanks

Spice Girls dismissed from French Academy
New album, videos espouse theories which are 'too radical', officials say

Q*bert attacks Charles Hotel
Video coverage!

New study blames global warming on 'sun'

News briefs

February 26, 1998

'T'-tanic Disaster
New "massive transit" train sinks on maiden voyage across the Charles River, El Niņo blamed

Cultures collide as Aztec presence grows
Malls, schools are focal points in debate about newcomers' culture

Kentucky Fried Eel throws in the towel
Pepsico announces Chapter 11 proceedings for fast food division

Crises, drama in local food world
Food spotted on plate; frog children suspected

Advice From a Pimp

Fish gets President's prerogatives, powers
Members of Congress give support to isthychian Commander in Chief

December 18, 1997

Professional wrestling found to be 'totally real'
After much investigation into the complicated world of professional wrestling, United Nations inspectors were shocked to discover that wrestling is extremely real.

Pirate ship holds more than gold
Three centuries ago, English pirates may have invented mass culture

Brookline's Koolidge Korner Kafe opens to mixed reviews

Weekly TV Week

News Briefs

Interview with Bobcat Goldthwait

lowernav.gif (10023 bytes)