November 5, 1998
An apology to our readers:
SNAKES NOT EVERYWHERE
Two weeks ago, on the front page of this newspaper, it was reported that snakes were
everywhere. After further investigation, we have determined that this story was false.
Snakes are not everywhere. |
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October 22, 1998
SNAKES ARE EVERYWHERE
Government officials, business leaders and members of the clergy all confirmed yesterday
that snakes are everywhere. |
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October 8, 1998
Judge Judy rules in Thomas case
In a move that galvanized Constitutional law theorists nationwide, Judge Judy handed down
her opinion in Thomas v. Thomas yesterday. |
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September
24, 1998
Tomboy causes trouble in Smallville
To the surprise of no one in Smallville, little
Sally Jameson has been stirring up trouble once again. Described as "a tomboy"
and "that Sally" by residents, Sally Jameson has been the talk of this little
town for months. |
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September
10, 1998
THE YEAR IN REVIEW
One year of the Weekly Week. |
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August
27, 1998
City of Cambridge walls in resident
Bill Thayer woke up Tuesday afternoon, put on a pair of shorts and a
T-shirt and tried to open his front door. |
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August 13, 1998
MTV wraps up "Real World: Calcutta"
MTV has just finished shooting on a new season of "The Real
World," this time set in Calcutta, India. |
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July 30, 1998
CAP'N CRUNCH COURT-MARTIAL
Cap’n Crunch, one of America’s most loved military officials, will be
issued a dishonorable discharge within the next two weeks, a spokesperson for the U.S.
Army said yesterday. Crunch’s military career was thrust into peril recently when
three Soggie refugees stepped forward to reveal unnecessary cruelty and abuse at the hands
of the Cap’n. |
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July 16, 1998
MINING MOVIE MANIA
Hollywood hopes mining films
will revive lagging summer at the box office
After poor performance by the summer’s most heavily hyped films, like
"Deep Impact," "Godzilla," and "Armageddon," the major
studios are betting that heavy industry, particularly mining, will provide an irresistible
draw for the Movie-going public. |
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July 2, 1998
Boston starts Eurotrash recycling program
The City of Boston and the Phoenix Media Group unveiled the city’s new
Eurotrash recycling program yesterday. The recycled Eurotrash will be used by the
Phoenix to print their nightlife magazine Stuff@Night. |
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June 18, 2048
SPECIAL FUTURE ISSUE
Student 'death' blamed on 'meta-amphetamines'
Two Stanford graduate students were found “dead” in their
loft-style apartment yesterday. Police believe the cause of “death” to be an
overdose of a new and lethal drug, known on the street as “drug-drug,” or
meta-amphetamines. |
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June
4, 1998
Demon booked on possession charges
A demon has been arrested on possession charges, according to Boston
police. Prosecutors are planning on charging the demon, whose name has not been released
due to his juvenile status, with “possession with intent to distribute.” |
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May
21, 1998
Willy Wonka busted for labor violations
The Willy Wonka Confection Factory was shut down Tuesday morning on several counts of
labor violations. Acting on a tip from an anonymous child code-named “Charlie,”
federal and state agents staged an early-morning raid on the Wonka compound. |
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May
7, 1998
Microsoft launches 'homeless e-zine'
In the latest in a series of competitive forays into community media, Microsoft launched a
homeless e-zine yesterday. The new site, called sidewalk.home, is designed to steal
readers and advertising dollars from lucrative homeless print newspapers like
Boston’s Spare Change. |
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March 26, 1998
Bilingual education under fire in Boston
Prop. 43 would end special classes in semaphore
Parents decry new role-playing game
Across the nation, parents are up in arms over
Deductions & Debentures, TSR's new role-playing game.
Plagiarism alleged in Bush biography
Former president George Bush has come under
fire over charges that he stole much of his recent autobiography "Looking
Forward" from Homer's "The Iliad."
"Good Will Hunting" thrusts South Boston
geniuses into public eye
'There goes our secret,' complain residents, as
think-tanks move in
News briefs |
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March 12, 1998Stocks plummet on Armani Exchange
Market downturn is largest in A/X's two-year history
Sox slugger robs bank,
slays seven
Duquette intitiates trade talks with Yanks
Spice Girls dismissed from
French Academy
New album, videos espouse theories which are 'too radical', officials say
Q*bert attacks Charles
Hotel
Video coverage!
New study blames global
warming on 'sun'
News briefs |
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| February 26, 1998 'T'-tanic Disaster
New "massive transit" train sinks on maiden voyage across the Charles River, El
Niņo blamed
Cultures collide as Aztec
presence grows
Malls, schools are focal points in debate about newcomers' culture
Kentucky Fried Eel throws in
the towel
Pepsico announces Chapter 11 proceedings for fast food division
Crises, drama in local
food world
Food spotted on plate; frog children suspected
Advice From a Pimp
Fish gets President's
prerogatives, powers
Members of Congress give support to isthychian Commander in Chief |
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| December 18, 1997 Professional wrestling found to
be 'totally real'
After much investigation into the complicated world of professional wrestling, United
Nations inspectors were shocked to discover that wrestling is extremely real.
Pirate ship holds more than
gold
Three centuries ago, English pirates may have invented mass culture
Brookline's Koolidge
Korner Kafe opens to mixed reviews
Weekly TV Week
News Briefs
Interview with Bobcat
Goldthwait |
