*** BOSTON'S ONLY
REDUNDANT NEWS SOURCE FOR NEWS ***
November 5, 1998
Volume II, Number 5
An apology to our readers:
SNAKES NOT EVERYWHERE
Two weeks ago, on the front page of this newspaper, it was reported that snakes were
everywhere. After further investigation, we have determined that this story was false.
Snakes are not everywhere. The Weekly Week hereby retracts the story and apologizes for
any confusion it may have caused.
Capuano wins;
supporters riot
Supporters of former mayor Mike Capuano took to the streets Tuesday night to celebrate
Capuano’s victory in the 8th District Congressional election.What began as a
spontaneous outpouring of regional pride quickly deteriorated into a melee of violence and
looting that could only be described as 8th District Hooliganism.
Celestial Seasonings
introduces new line of ‘racist teas’
Already buoyed by strong sales nationwide, Celestial Seasonings is preparing to unveil its
most striking line of herbal teas yet. The new teas, each with a distinctly racist theme,
are set to hit shelves nationwide by Thanksgiving.
Rogue notary public
brought to trial
This Friday, the first in a series of court proceedings will begin in the case of State
vs. Mr. Shannon Bjorkman. Bjorkman, a notary public, was arrested last weekend for
notarizing a series of illegal documents.
Scientists find Mars to be 'oblivious'
Hair band causing unrest in Democratic Republic of Congo
